While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
