I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Welp...herpes.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
He shit in the fireplace
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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