just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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