Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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