All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
