My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
