someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Randomize
