He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
