I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
