sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
