She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
my shit smells like andre
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
