ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Randomize
