I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
