I'm drive I can fine osifer
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
