I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Randomize
