We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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