I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
