Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
