We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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