Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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