You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
