so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
