why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
