Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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