what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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