I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
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