I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
