You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
