The maid of honor just puked.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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