I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
