I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
