After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
