she woke up with a sticky ear
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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