OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
i think i have two assholes
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
