I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
