I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
