my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
We had sex on a dog bed..
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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