My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
