the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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