Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
