remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
