Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
