i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
