tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Randomize
