Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Randomize
