Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
