you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
