For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
