So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
