he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
