just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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